Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
