FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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