my mouth tastes like poor choices
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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