I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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