goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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