She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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