Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
