Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
