I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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