If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
