Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
this hospital has no fireball
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
