Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I had your ass I would rule the world
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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