I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
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He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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