so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
