I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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