You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I could make wine with my vomit
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
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standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
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I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.