just tell him i said nine months
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
