Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED