You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
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Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS