I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis