Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?