Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
