So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
