He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
