I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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