Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
