Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
