imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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