Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
