yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How external is "for external use only"?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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