it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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