But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
