So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
