What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm passing your future prison.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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