Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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