Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
