Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
