The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
