I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
