bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
