she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
