have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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