i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
