I'd wear matching sweaters with you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
