If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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