my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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