You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
