In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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