Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
