they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
