this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
