I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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