Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
