It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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