Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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