lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
