Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
