after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize