Christians are straight up FREAKS
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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