I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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