I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
