textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize