Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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