what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A bitchslap is in order.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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