So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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