I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
