Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
