Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
