Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
