i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
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It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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