i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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