White coat. Heels.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
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I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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