I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
