I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
