We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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