Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
