I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
