The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
