On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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