roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
