Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
