there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize