**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
