Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
