Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
