Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
