What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your shirt... Was in my pants
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
