God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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