I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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