We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize