U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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