If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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